everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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