I just threw up on my dentist
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize