his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
