ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize