I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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