Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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