Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
