I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
