Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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