Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
