Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
