she kept yelling 'call me bella'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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