we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
