i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
