i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When did we convert life to cartoon?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
