Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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