i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
