Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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