After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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