If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
