Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
