i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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