not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
