So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
