Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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