I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize