so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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