bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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