Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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