they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
