I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
