Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
