yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
