You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
