I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize