You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
