Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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