So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
