another moral hangover. fuck.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
