What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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