I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
