I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
