he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
