I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
