he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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