I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
