Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
