I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
