i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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