Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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