Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
