What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
