Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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