eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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