she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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