thus making me awesome and them whores
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
