before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
