You can't special order awesome
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
