The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
