i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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