I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
