life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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