we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
