Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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