From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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