Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
