drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
