If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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