YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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