She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
