Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
