the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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